This is a personal favourite of mine. And a big light bulb moment for some of my clients. You see a lot of people think they are doing all the right things, taking action (lots of it), having a vision board, thinking positively etc. This is all great! But it’s all external doing and not internal.
If you want to change the way you currently experience life, the change needs to be on the inside.
In the super computer known as our subconscious mind that we all carry around inside us it sends out triggers – what food to buy, what clothes to wear!
The subconscious mind is stronger than what you consciously know and its firing out decision triggers every second.
For example Josephine’s not living a healthy lifestyle she desperately wants to change the way she’s living her life. She’s working hard, she’s tired, she feels run down… the trigger for Josephine is when she comes home from work she’s inclined to drink multiple glasses of wine. When we look at the trigger with Josephine and her feeling that she is drinking too much and struggling to get on top of it. Her trigger is to have a glass of wine to get instant relief which perpetuates the cycle each day.
Triggers can create negative states like procrastination anxiety, stress — and even self-sabotage — which will occur each time your subconscious mind triggers the wrong choice in making the right decision. Whilst you know what you need to do, it is rare that when you are trying to change old habits that you go against your subconscious triggers thus perpetuating the cycle again.
Whether you are looking to experience more love or happiness, or any other kind of “success”. YOU can become someone with the creativity, vision and resources to enjoy the life you know is possible. By identifying your triggers writing them down and adhering to them over the next week, try to implement small changes when the triggers arise.
However, if you are not willing to challenge your subconscious triggers by working with your subconscious mind you will not get the results you are looking for.
If you are unsure of your purpose or lost your passion in your life you CAN discover what you’re really here to do… even if you’ve always felt your sense of purpose has been missing. Imagine feeling so happy because you have finally discovered what you are meant to do with your life. Let it be inspiring, empowering and life-changing.
I love life! We have so many choices, we can choose to surround ourselves with the right people who have a positive influence in our lives or people that drain us and do not complement our lives, choices about how we choose to experience our life, good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, violent or kind, happy or sad, conform or not.
These choices do not have to come from what you believe “your position” in life may be, whatever your life situation is currently in work or personal you can choose to change your actions – if you want to… Our mind is an extremely powerful machine that can be managed in a positive way or you can manage you in a negative way. You have the power within to control how your mind operates.
For example choosing to feel confidence over doubt, confidence about who you are, what you are capable of, what you know you can be…
What you are projecting to others is what you are feeling, you can choose to change that at any time, as Muhammad Ali Jannah said “I do not believe in taking the right decision, I take a decision and make it right.”
A lot of human beings are captivated with negativity, we know our perceived weaknesses, probably play them out in our head on a regular basis! What about our strengths and all the things we do right or are good at?
How much more can you choose to give yourself? Instead of feeling “not good enough” at something flip it to “feeling” as if you are already a success, expect success to come to you i.e. be confident even if you are not feeling it. Model someone you perceive to be a “success.” Let go of feeling fearful and critical of your own self.
When you stop and look at all the things you do have to be grateful for, you notice that there are actually many, however big or small… focus on what’s going right and not what’s wrong – focus on all the good things in your life, all that you have achieved and the wins you have had with your work and personal life, don’t dwell on negative stuff that will always be there!
By listening to your inner self – not letting your mind second guess your inner intuition (yes you have it!) follow that and see what happens. Take a risk … be bold this will show you how much you’re capable off… otherwise you’ll never know how much you can handle vs undervaluing what you can really do! Get outside of your comfort zone, you will soon feel more capable, confident and ready to take charge more often.
So smile, exude confidence the old fashioned way, shoulders back, and head up!
As I’m doing the logistics to travel to England to visit my elderly mum who is hanging on to the last part of her life, it bought me to contemplate that when you look back on your life, when you’re sitting in your “rocking chair” what is it you would like to be reflecting back on.
How would you like to be thinking about the people you have touched, the adventures you have lived and the wonders you have accomplished.
Have you lived your life as the explorer, the adventurer, the queen, the prince, the student, the professor, the warrior, the caregiver, the crusader, the superhero, the outlaw, the performer, the entertainer, the emperor?
Has it been with passion, determination, care and love?
Are you living your life as your inner self is telling you too, are you feeling the inkling of fun, quietness, passion or stability? The part of you that you get to glimpse on occasion, the voice within you that speaks with so much wisdom, daring and knowledge. Or are you living a life being careful as you might make the “wrong decision.”
Why wait until you’re in the rocking chair to consider how you are living your life. Why wait till then to trust yourself? After all age is a number whether its 30 or 50 what is grown up?!
As the years pass by you may feel different shifts within you, notice things you never saw before, experience the same thing but feel differently about it.
My challenge for you this week is to do something however small that you have been putting off, something you know you will regret if you don’t do it. What will happen if you don’t?
Show self-awareness – to know and do better. What would happen if you changed the “what ifs” to “I can handle it.”
List 3 new things you would like to implement right now. You are not a failure if you don’t make it, you’re a success because you try. To succeed in life you must fail at things – these are the stepping stones to success.
In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited too long to make.
Think about this for a moment, what if I said you have the power to affect the actions, behaviour and opinions of others.
As Napoleon Hill eloquently put it “Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.”
Have a think about how your own life has been shaped and what or who has influenced you, how that has impacted on the way you make decisions and how you choose to live your life. Are you living life for you and what you believe is right, or are you living a life influenced by others and what you think they would like, or what you think you “should” be doing?
More importantly think about your own ability to influence others and how you can have a lasting positive impact on someone else’s life.
Positive communication is a privilege we are all gifted with, granted some choose to use this privilege or power in a destructive manner.
How your life is shaped from a young age is usually a mixture of the people you are surrounded by, the environment in which you live and the educational path you choose.
It’s extremely important in life to be conscious of how you are influenced and how this impacts your day to day life and decision making, this can be in a positive manner or in some cases a negative one depending on who you are choosing to listen to.
If you have the ability to read the signs of influence and how certain people or the environment you are in can impact the way you live your life, know this, it will enable you to make the right choices and live a life that’s true to yourself, your core values and be free of negative influence.
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. Andy Warhol
Choosing to change anything in your life takes courage, it can also make you feel awkward and uncomfortable. No wonder you sometimes avoid it like the plague, you put things off, make excuses, tell yourself I’ll do it when it feels right, or now’s not a good time, even its ok it can wait. It’s a bit like “I must put money into my super” you think retirement is miles away, but like a lot of things it sneaks up on you and you wish you’d done it sooner!
Procrastination is the symptom of this issue and it’s not going to go away! You can ignore it as much as you like. The more you put things off the more you get nothing in return.
Is it a lack of desire or is it fear? Why put it off? If its fear that is stopping you achieving your ultimate goal, for example you may have the desire but something is holding you back, dig deep and find the real reason, is it loss of control, fear of pain, the uncertainty, potential rejection or hardship?
So what can I do about it, how can I “make” myself do things I know I “must”? Firstly if you truly understand what your top values are in life i.e. when you hear yourself saying “I desire to …”, “I choose to …”, or “I love to…” then you know you are talking about a goal that is truly valuable to you.
Secondly how often do you really listen to what your body is telling you – your body doesn’t lie, listening to your gut or your intuition will lead you to your true desires. The more in tune you are with your inner self the more your thoughts, actions and body will work as one.
If you’re keeping yourself “safe” because you think you are not worthy, not loveable or not good enough, then all of these symptoms can be overcome. It’s through knowing yourself, the personal growth of your own mind that will get you to your highest level of self.
It is never too late to be what you might have been – George Eliot
Have you noticed how some people radiate confidence always displaying self-assurance and others come across as more mild and reserved? What is the difference? Here are 3 questions that you could ask yourself if you were looking to live the best version of your life.
Who is on your top 5 hero list? If you are not prioritising yourself on that list then where are you positioning yourself and where do you think you belong? You can surround yourself with people who believe in you, who have your best interests at heart, but at the end of the day you will always need to be there for number 1, you! Be your own hero!
Why don’t you take the most calculated risk of all and back yourself? Well what do you have to lose? I’m totally sure you are capable of so much more! Yes we all have fears around making a fool of ourselves, making a mistake, not being good enough, etc. Our negative self-talk will often win, that little voice often known as your ego talking to you like you wouldn’t talk to your best friend! We all have these fears, the difference is are you going to let them stop you living your life?
Believe, invest and trust yourself. On occasion I have had clients say to me how they have not listened to their own instincts and intuition… I’m sure we all have stories of if only, I knew that, I should have done that… So stop doubting yourself and start backing yourself more!
It’s OK to be imperfect, we all are in some way! Being imperfect is part of living and growing in your life.
Question – right now are you stopping yourself doing something because you’re not willing to be less than perfect?
Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together. Brené Brown
Try this; have a look at the examples below – which ones are you not recognising in yourself, which is actually a great strength within you?
What are you choosing not to notice about you? For example I never realised I had the ability for patience until I had children!
Resources such as organisation skills, common sense, the ability to listen, conversation skills, writing, interpretation of people’s feelings, reading a situation – these skills you do in your everyday life unconsciously.
Are you artistic, do you sing, write, or dance, all of these build your confidence – which is a useful skill (not something you just do). Your goal today is to take 5 minutes, take a walk in the park and think about today’s message, it’s about acknowledging and recognising the strengths in yourself.
When you’re on auto pilot you tend not to think of all the positives about you (they just happen!) Why are you not choosing to notice the best about yourself?
The greatest achievement in life is to have the ability to create the world around you, so that it matches the dreams in your mind – Mike Dillard
The imperfect little steps you take are building the foundations to your future successes.
We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them – Albert Einstein
Ever wondered why you feel like you’re going round and round in circles sometimes and getting nowhere fast?! As Albert Einstein so clearly stated, if you don’t change the way you think about the situation then you cannot expect to get different results.
You see, most problems are created by not being able to solve another problem. For example maybe you would like to speak up more in a work situation, but you don’t wish to say the wrong thing and embarrass yourself in front of your peers so you say nothing – by playing it safe you’re not exposing yourself to your vulnerability and thus not growing in that situation.
Or you might wish to change your career but haven’t yet taken the steps to investigate the educational course you may need, you’re putting it off finding other “more important” things to do – procrastination is causing another problem, in that you are not achieving your personal goals.
So ask yourself – is it avoidance / lack of self-belief, or is it that you’re not yet ready for the responsibility of dealing with the change you think you want? As Eleanor Roosevelt said “In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we made are ultimately our own responsibility.”
By confronting your problems working through them, then putting them behind you, you will achieve not only success but a sense of confidence and a level of satisfaction. The courage you displayed in working through them will also empower you to keep moving forward in your life rather than procrastinate each time a problem occurs.
Sometimes solving the smaller problems means the complex ones solve themselves.
Problems are part of living life, you meeting and solving them assist you to grow. Granted sometimes you will require fearlessness and wisdom to face them, you may procrastinate hoping they will go away, you may prefer they didn’t exist, however, these problems are here to challenge you.
Keep going, you’re heading in the right direction.
How well do you really know yourself?!
Self-knowledge is central to anyone’s success. For example when you have behavioural flexibility you can make the most out of any situation and every challenge!
How about if you knew how to change instead of what to change i.e. going from big picture to detailed.
Have you ever wondered why you’re great at some things and suck at others! They leave you bored and frustrated, Clarity around that would be awesome hey!
You might think “treat others as you would like to be treated”, right? Wrong! We want to be treated the way we want to be treated. After all what’s good for one is not necessarily good for another. By identifying your behaviour style you can bridge the gap so that misunderstanding, miscommunication and tension can be avoided before it begins.
Personal growth and development is a key to self-discovery, helping you to understand your unique approach to life. Knowing yourself illuminates subconscious limitations so they can be removed, allowing you to maximise your strengths.
As humans we have four behaviours – thinking, feeling, sensing and intuition.
Which of the energy type’s below are you?
By understanding where you “sit” enables you to adjust and be more effective in any situation it will uncover what motivates you and what reduces your motivation!
Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
Everyone has an emotional theme that they portray be it depressed, happy, sad or angry, frustrated or excited – which one do you live in the majority of the time?
Do the following exercise for more clarity.
Draw a line down the middle of a blank page.
On the left list all the positive emotions you have felt in the past week.
On the right list all the negative emotions you have felt in the past week.
Have a look at your list is it more than 100, is it between 50 and 100 or more likely is under 20 or even under 10?
Even though there are over 4200 emotional words in the English language we are in the habit of using the same emotions!
Our emotions have many powers over us, for example
The words you attach to your experience become your experience. For example remember the time you were at the dinner table and Mum said get the salt! You said I don’t want to get the salt! She said get the salt! You still said I don’t want to get the salt. You had to though! You go to the cupboard open it up and you don’t see the salt! She comes over and grabs the salt which was right in front of you.
Your eyes see the salt but your mind doesn’t communicate the location to your eyes as it doesn’t want to lie to you. If you keep focusing on what you’re telling yourself you will get that continuously, your mind won’t lie to you.
Why does this matter? The meaning you put on anything gives you an emotion, the emotion you feel determines your quality of life.
What life are you going to choose?